Tuesday, 10 November 2009

The Wonder of Waitrose!

Well I don't know about you guys but I am very very excited.

As most of you know, Waitrose on Byres Road is opening on Thursday.

I am so pleased that us Westenders are finally getting a Supermarket that is worthy of our obvious superiority. Superiority over not only the rest of Glasgow but over most of the central belt. Most places excluding Morningside in Edinburgh - we're not there yet but we can but dream.

Thing is, for me, Waitrose symbolises everything good and true about your average Westender - one I feel I am typical of.....

I work hard, I have a bustling media job that is exciting and inspiring and one I am very proud of. I associate primarily with other media-types, however some of my friends also work in PR and Promotions or work for charities; an area I'd like to move into once the hustle and bustle of TV and Film gets too much or if I want to spend to spend more time with my two children Gerald and Oslo.

For me Waitrose's impending opening shows that as a society the West End is becoming more competitive with our natural twin city - London.

It pained me to leave the hustle and bustle of such an exciting city where everyone you meet is an exciting and artistic person and where conversationalist and celebrities walked foot by foot with your average less-good person.

I can picture it now.....go to the Botanics with the wife, Oslo, Gerard and Sammie (our lovely three year old Border Collie), have a lovely stroll picking up leaves for the kiddies to do paint prints of before popping into Waitrose and collect some veg, rice and fresh fish for the lovely wife to make her seafood risotto. That evening we'll invite our friends Pamela (Pammie!) and Colin round. We'll talk about their newly built conservatory and how their kid's are getting on (they're hoping Colin jnr will get a mathematics scholarship to Merchanston - how utter brilliant!). We'll talk about how Tony Blair shouldn't have taken us into war in the Middle-East and how we feel terribly let down by New Labour and are controversially considering voting Conservative in the next general election.
We'll probably retire to the lounge where conversation will progress to the early works of Dylan and Kubrick films and their layered genius. By now we'll have had too much Rioja and as Colin and Pammie call a taxi me and the wife will retire to the bedroom where I'll fumble around on-top of her for a brief moment before climaxing in mediocre ecstasy before she's even gotten going.....I'll call her a slut as I drift off into a drunken slumber.

The next morning we'll read The Observer (coz we're liberal like that) before taking the kiddies to the Botanics nipping into Waitrose to get the ingredients to make a lovely soup for the evening.

Life will be bliss - and we owe thanks to Waitrose for that.

If I ever become this person please don't bother shooting me - for I am already dead inside.


  1. 'We'll probably retire to the lounge where conversation will progress to the early works of Dylan and Kubrick films and their layered genius'...that does sound a lot like most of the friends I have...and you have...:>

  2. Indeed it does - Pammie and Colin!

  3. Hahahaha, I love it. All because of Waitrose. You've just about convinced me to avoid shopping there. Damn its convenient placement!

    Is it going to be mega expensive? Because that will make me sad.

  4. I'm considering how my life will turn out if I do all my shopping at Aldi - it's not looking good.